January 25, 2026

Employees of Home Sweet Home Supply Company report a great sense of relief following the departure of a particularly pathetic customer last Thursday night.

Ronald Tibbets had spent the afternoon removing his old dishwasher to make room for a new and improved model, and had all but finished the job when he noticed the kit he purchased was missing a fitting. Just minutes before closing, Mr. Tibbets entered HSH Supply Co..

Under normal circumstances, he’d have brusquely ignored the clerk’s offer to help, but that night he was in a hurry.

“Sure, that’d be great! I need a 5/16” by 3/8” compression elbow.” – Ronald Tibbets, Embarrassing Loser

One onlooker who agreed to speak with us under the condition of anonymity described the scene as, “an exercise in secondhand mortification.”

“When someone offers to help in a hardware store, you have a choice: you can take the honorable route and refuse - as my father did, and his before him. Or you can admit you’re a useless little girly-man pansy who doesn’t know where the 5/16” by 3/8“ compression elbows are.” -- Anonymous Coward

We were unable to reach Mr. Tibbets for comment, but assume he is hiding out and crying like a little baby somewhere soft.

-- Bingo Reginald